Monday, January 6, 2014

Finally, I've had it with the NFL

I know you don't believe me, you assume this is another fan who is a bit distressed with certain problems associated with National Football League broadcasts, and... ...Hold on a minute, would you like to buy a new car? How about some beer or whiskey? No? Would you like to buy some insurance? Are you sure?...

...Sorry...Anyway, this is more than some rant to get feelings off of my chest. Wait a minute. A new writing rule says that I must follow through with my analogies throughout the sentence. Hold on, I'll have to look that over for a couple minutes and get back to you... ...Still waiting, sorry, I'll be able to proceed soon... ...Ok, my editor has ruled that I can continue. Anyway, I really do have some deep concerns about how football has changed...Sorry, would you like to buy some insurance? How about some alcohol, or a new car? Are you sure?

Ok, we can return to our blog... ...It seems to me that...hold on, I need to review that editor says he needs to look again at my use of a pronouns in the introduction to this paragraph...let's look at that introduction again...and again...and again...and here, I'll talk about it some more...doesn't it seem strange that an editor would have a problem with such a small matter...Wait, here's word from my editor...Well, darn, it seems that I need to rewrite the beginning to this paragraph...

You're sick of reading this, right? You're about to click on some other page at this point, right? You get my point, and you just want me to move on and write eloquently, to entertain and inform you. But there is no flow to this blog post, because I keep interrupting it. But that is the reason for this blog post...First, would you like to buy some insurance?... Seriously, it is that bad. I know professional football is our pastime now, supposedly, and that more people watch pick-up games between the practice squad of the Jacksonville Jaguars than will watch the Stanley Cup Finals or the World Series. I don't understand it, but I get it. I simply can no longer be a part of it.

When networks take long commercial breaks on both sides of a kickoff, then that's the last straw for me. It's ridiculous. One could say: "Well, the teams aren't doing anything anyway, so it doesn't matter if the network breaks away like that." Have you ever been to a football game? Teams actually do not take long breaks anyway. The players spend so much time standing around on the field waiting for the network to return, they're probably the most ultra-hydrated athletes on the planet.

Firstly, it's not natural. Athletes aren't there to stand around and drink water on the field. That's what the sidelines are for. Also, it's not entertaining. I don't need a new car, beer or whiskey, or insurance. I mean I do, but I've already made all of those decisions and I'm not in the market for any of them at this point. Lastly, it's not real world. I have played many football games, and watched many more; and I know what it looks like when someone catches a football. I can see it. I don't need the league to complicate it, referees to interpret it, or commentators to expound upon it. I can see if he caught it or didn't catch it, and so can field judges from ten feet away. Let the officials put in place by the league call the plays and be done with it for goodness sake.

Eventually, I need to watch the game being played. And I'm getting so little of it during an NFL broadcast that I cannot stand to watch it any more. During Sunday's Cincinnati/San Diego game, I got to the point where I could do nothing but scream, change the channel, and walk away. Play after play had to be micro-examined, with replays shown over and over and over and over...and over! Enough. My wife got to watch the skating and gymnastics show.

Suddenly, NFL Network replays seem desirable. But it's hard to actively get into a game showing on a Tuesday morning when you already know the outcome Sunday night. It's also hard to actively get into a game that looks nothing like the game you played when you were a kid and watched on television when you were a young adult. It's not, and I can't. I'll watch the Super Bowl because it's an event and many of my friends will get together to watch the commercials. Hopefully I can catch at least a few minutes of something resembling sports. But as far as I'm concerned, come on inter-squad spring training games from Jupiter, Florida. Yes!

Wait, I forgot...Baseball is expanding instant replay...Nooooooo....